


Blame It on the Night

by crybaby4life



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alexandria Safe-Zone, Bisexual Carl Grimes, Cheating, Choices, F/M, Future Fic, Love Triangles, M/M, Ultimatums, Voyeurism, ambiguous timeline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 16:20:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7514953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crybaby4life/pseuds/crybaby4life
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carl has everything he could ask for, with the safety of Alexandria, with the house that he shares with Enid, his girlfriend of three years. So why are his feelings about Ron lately making him so restless?</p><p> </p><p>Takes place a few years in the future. (Jessie, Sam and Ron are all still alive, but that doesn't really matter.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Night

**Author's Note:**

> I actually first envisioned this as a music video, but then I realized I could make it a chaptered short story fic! So here it is, the first chapter. I hope you enjoy it. I love comments, so feel free to post one if you wish :)

Carl’s awake, again, for the fourth time this week. He doesn’t know why he can’t sleep; it’s like clockwork every time he opens his eyes to see that it’s still the middle of the night, that the sun won’t be up for hours, and that, no, there’s no way he’s going back to sleep anytime soon.

He sighs in the dark as the familiar nudging starts in his brain. It can’t really be his fault, can it, that his mind starts to wander, when it’s his body that wakes him up in the dead of night like there’s something he needs to do? But when he looks over at Enid, who’s deep asleep, and has no idea what Carl does when he has no one to answer to until the sun comes up, he knows that it _is_ his fault. It’s his fault.

To keep from getting lost in the guilt, Carl throws off his side of the sheets and stands up. He walks over to the window that looks out on the trees of Alexandria, and the street and the small pond a little ways over. It’s all so still.

There’s never anyone on the streets during the strange hours that Carl’s awake. He hasn’t ever seen a single other person of the town walking in the dark during any of the times that he’s been too restless to stay in bed through the night. Everyone else is safely tucked away in their houses with their lights off and curtains drawn. Or if there are others as restless and sleepless as him, he’s never seen them venture outside before. They seem to at least stick to the comfort of their homes in some attempt to get rest, which is something Carl hasn’t found the discipline to do. No, he’s never seen anyone else out here. Well, except for one person, of course.

Carl is half hoping that he won’t see him out on the street again tonight, standing there looking at his house, silently beckoning him to come out just for these few dark hours. But half of him, like always, _is_ hoping to see him standing there, just like he was the past three nights in a row, asking him with not so many words, to make a choice.

And there he is, of course. Ron, standing tall and shadowed in the road. Hands in his pockets, looking straight at Carl through the window. And the decision’s made. It’s made even before Carl moves to pick up his boxers and pants from the floor. It was made before Carl walked to the window to see him out there. It was made even before Carl tossed the covers off, before he left his and Enid’s bed.

And so he pulls on his clothes, buttons his shirt, and silently leaves his bedroom, to join Ron in the dark.


	2. Ron

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Implied sexual content.

It’s always hard to find Ron out here in the dark. Especially because he always moves to a new place once he sees that Carl’s heading out, and it’s never the same place. Sometimes he’s leaning against the side of the house, sometimes he’s walked even farther into the trees. Carl knows that he probably looks like a dumbass carrying around his flashlight, but it’s not like there are walkers inside the walls to worry about, and they’ve never run into anyone else out here at night before. So Carl leaves his knife holstered and wields the flashlight, even though it would make it easier for Enid to see him leaving if she happened to wake up and glance out the window. He doesn’t know why he takes this chance. He hasn’t come up with an excuse to tell her if she ever saw him, but he takes the chance anyway.

Just like Carl guessed, Ron’s moved further back this time. He’s resting against a tree almost behind the house across the street, kicking at a twig on the ground as Carl walks up to him.

When Carl’s a yard away, Ron looks up, squinting past the light from the flashlight.

“Hey,” Carl says, switching the light off. Ron just nods back and lifts himself off of the tree, and then the two of them are walking side by side, back behind the houses into the dark together.

 

\--

 

Carl’s the first one to push himself into Ron once they’re away from the houses and near their usual tree. He walks them backwards with their lips locked until Ron’s pressed up against it. Ron breaks their kiss for a second, breaths coming fast, to say, “Carl, wait…”

“Yeah?” Carl asks, waiting, two pairs of lust-filled eyes meeting, two panting chests just inches from each other. 

Ron shakes his head. “Never mind.” He leans into Carl’s neck, deposits soft kisses under his jaw.

“You sure?” Carl says. An “mm-hmm” is mumbled against his skin. “Okay,” Carl says and sighs. And then he gives in; Ron’s hands are moving to grab his waist, and Carl lets his own instinctively run under Ron’s shirt.

And they lose themselves to the moment, just like did the past three nights. Just for this moment, they give in to the connection that they can’t help but have felt for the past few years. They give in to this part of themselves that they’ve ignored for so long. They admit it to themselves, and to each other, and let it manifest physically, until Ron is turned around, face against the tree, Carl behind him, hands skating over Ron’s frame, as they move together just for this small moment.

Being inside Ron is a completely different experience than being inside Enid. Carl can’t really describe it. With Enid, there’s a complete sense of trust and love, and it’s as if they’re carving out their own truly safe place in this crazy world. With Ron, there’s that kinship and trust, too, but there’s also something else, something that Carl’s never felt with Enid. It’s almost like they’re asking the universe to allow them this one short moment, unsure of how long they have, like together they’re chasing this chance to have what they’ve been waiting for all this time, desperately trying to create a new experience from their feelings inside. 

During these times, he’s not thinking of Enid at all. And that’s a way that he rationalizes it to himself, is that it’s not about Enid, it’s not about hurting Enid. It’s just about him, something that he needs to do for himself. But in a way he knows that this makes it even worse, because it _should_ be about Enid. Enid _should_ be the one that’s on his mind all the time, no matter what he’s doing. 

But for some reason, he can’t. And this is the one thing that makes him feel the absolute guiltiest, that it’s possible for him to let Enid slip his mind, and that he _lets_ himself indulge in this time when she’s not on his mind. Enid, who has been nothing but compassionate, supportive, and loving to him. Enid, the friend he found a deeper solace in than he ever hoped to find in this broken world.

But it doesn’t stop him from finishing this time with Ron, selfishly satiating the desire to have more than what he’s given. And so, as he and Ron come down from their high, he shrugs off the guilt, the memory of what he’s left back home, and the knowledge that he’ll be carrying the burden of what happened here with him when he goes back. He lets himself enjoy the feel of Ron’s hair, the scratch of his flannel under Carl’s fingers, the low sounds of his sighs and grunts. And when it’s over, he ignores the solemn look on Ron’s face. He pretends not to know that Ron’s going home alone after this. He says a simple “Good night,” lets go of Ron’s hand, and leaves, back to rejoin Enid, where he left her alone in their bed. He saves the working things out for another day, pretending that he won’t have to face it, when he knows that he will. Some day he will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol apparently I have a thing for Rarl and trees ;) it's just too damn cute, I guess! :D


	3. Enid

Enid is beautiful. And Enid is comforting. She’s the first person that Carl ever fell for; she still reminds him of the early, innocent days in Alexandria, when there was the new hope and promise of a safe haven. And she was there during the times when the transition all seemed like too much, when it felt too suffocating to pretend like life could ever be normal. It was different than being with a member of his group. She didn’t hold all the ghosts of everything that Carl had been through; he was free from his past when he looked at her. But still, she understood how it felt. She had her own ghosts, and sitting with her, they could share each other’s sadness without having to put a name to it. 

And Carl does get a fluttery feeling when he runs his fingers through her long, brown hair, or when she gives him that funny, accusatory look, her eyebrows screwing together, whenever she catches him staring at her. He and Enid brought life to each other. Their friendship sparked something long forgotten in both of them, and gave them reason to make more than just a chance to stay alive out of Alexandria. Watching Enid come back from a place that was darker than anything even Carl had ever gone through was remarkable, and amazing, and honestly Carl is inspired by the way that she found something light to hold onto in this world, even in times when it was clear that all she could see was the darkness.

Things just sort of fell into place with her without Carl even trying. They seamlessly went from living apart to sharing a bedroom. And then when a house opened up and was offered to them, it just seemed obvious and logical that they should take it. Honestly it was Enid who charged ahead in making a home for them, getting into all the little things that still felt pretty pointless to Carl. Things like learning to make new recipes out of the limited ingredients they have, finding new uses for the old stuff and decorations they found around the house, starting up small, humble collections of books and photos. It was shocking and almost funny to Carl at first to see Enid getting into little things like that, but deep down he knew that she wasn’t just doing it for her, she was doing it for him, too, for them. And so if he ever felt any doubts about their relationship and where things were going with Enid, one glance at how content she seemed was enough for him to push it to the back of his mind. 

It’s so calm and normal eating the mac and cheese that Enid has made, sharing quiet conversation, making the occasional joke that will make Enid look up and give him that small, but genuine smile of hers. It feels so normal to sit with her on the couch after, like they do most nights, in companionable silence, her nose in a new book, his in an old comic. It’s all so comfortable and normal that for the longest time, Carl doesn’t glance out the window to notice the tall, lanky figure that’s hiding in the trees outside. He doesn’t notice the figure that’s been hiding there for at least half an hour, watching the two of them through the windows of their orange-lit house. Even when Enid puts aside her book and turns to him with a smile, making him turn towards her and the direction of the window while she brings a hand to his face, he still doesn’t see it. And as they start kissing, and Enid stands off the couch to usher them across the floor to their bedroom, neither of them notice that the figure outside in the dark follows, making his way behind the trees and bushes across the front of the house, until he’s standing right outside their bedroom window.


	4. Window

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More implied sexual content.

Enid shuts the door behind them, and the bedroom is dark except for the lights from the moon and the streetlamps coming through the window from outside. Their lips still on each other’s, Enid starts undressing them, getting Carl out of his shirt and pants and slipping out of her own jeans. Carl backs up towards their bed while Enid strips down to just a tank top and her underwear, and as soon as they’ve made it, Carl plopping down onto the edge of the bed in just his boxers, Enid climbing into place on top of him, Carl looks out the window and sees him. 

Enid’s facing away from the window, but even if she wasn’t the figure outside is so obscured by the dark and half-hidden by a tree that it’s almost impossible to make out. But Carl recognizes it; he recognizes the barely discernible glint of Ron’s pale face peeking out from in between the leaves that look black in the night.

But he doesn’t stop Enid. He doesn’t do anything. He just settles his chin in the crook of Enid’s neck, his arms wrapped around her, and lets her slide herself onto him, all the while keeping his eyes on the figure outside. 

Ron steps out of the trees, becoming illuminated by the faint moonlight, staring straight at Carl. Their gazes stay locked while Enid starts rocking, Carl holding on tight to her, but looking straight over her shoulder, to someone else.

Ron just stands there, like a statue or something, hands tight in his pockets, his eyes intense. Carl has no idea what he’s thinking; he can’t tell, not just because of how dark it is, but because Ron’s lips are in an indiscernible straight line, the rest of his face just as hard.

Carl doesn’t know if Ron’s angry. He doesn’t know if he expects Carl to stop Enid and push her off. He doesn’t know if Ron’s trying to give him some sort of statement, trying to bore a message into him through the thin glass of the window. He can’t tell if Ron meant to come here and talk to him and then this happened, an accident, or if maybe Ron meant for this to happen all along. 

He lets the tension and confusion brew between them, the piercing eye contact he and Ron share never ceasing. But as he finally starts feeling the movements of Enid’s hips on top of him, his gaze wavers, and he lets his eyelids begin to droop every few seconds.

Enid slowly starts to falter. Her breaths are coming tired and choppy in Carl’s ear, and Carl feels her pulling back. And so, with the last of his pointed stare directed at Ron, Carl stands up with Enid in his arms, and gently spins them around so he can put her on her back on the bed, and climbs over her to help her finish.

Carl loses himself for a little while, rolling in the bedsheets and on the mattress with Enid, but he keeps the presence of mind to make sure he’s always obstructing her view to the glass pane behind them. And the entire time he’s tangled with her, there’s only one thing blazing in the back of his brain, and that’s the image of Ron and his hardened eyes, gray in the dark and aimed right at him.

Carl takes longer than he intends to with Enid, but eventually she’s on her side and lying away from him, worn out and fading into sleep for the night, and Carl finally looks out the window again for the first time in several minutes.

Ron’s gone. Carl feels a pang of regret that he didn’t keep track and wasn’t there to see the moment that Ron left. Lying there in his bed next to Enid propped on his elbows, he silently contemplates going to the front door to see if Ron’s still out there, or even heading into the night to follow him if he went home.

Ultimately he decides against it, and curls up on his own side of the bed, knowing as he falls asleep that one way or another, he and Ron will confront each other again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter is a little weird, since I imagined it as a music video, the events had to be very visual, so this is what came to me… xP
> 
> The last two chapters are called Ultimatum and Choice!
> 
> By the way, if I posted a smutty story about Ron and an OFC, would anyone else read it or am I the only one who’d be into that shit? lol ;)


	5. Ultimatum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently all I have to offer up this Valentine's Day is some Rarl angst...
> 
> Uhhhh, dialogue is my favorite but it's also what stresses me out the most, so I hope it turned out all right, guys. Thanks for reading!

Ron doesn’t want to do what they usually do out here. He wants to talk. It’s the talk that Carl knows has been coming since the beginning, the talk that Carl’s been dreading ever since he didn’t stop it when he and Ron started kissing over beers that one day. He knows he’s been selfish, putting it off and trying to avoid it as long as he could. He also knew that the time would come when he would inevitably have to have it. And it seems that day is now because here Ron is, not letting Carl get any closer than the three feet away he’s at now, with a more sobered and serious expression on his face than Carl’s seen in a long time.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” Ron starts, pulling no punches. Carl just hesitates, shifting on his feet uncomfortably, but he stands his ground. “I-it’s hard. Seeing you every day but, _not_ getting to see you…” Ron pauses, taking a noticeable swallow, his eyes drifting away.

Carl sighs. Out here in the early evening with Ron, next to the same tree on the outskirts of town, it’s time to stop denying, to stop pretending. “I know…” he admits, but then he’s cut off.

“No, I don’t think you do, Carl. You _don’t_ know,” Ron says, his stare suddenly firm and unwavering. 

It makes Carl stop short, unable to do anything but look back at Ron’s face. 

“You don’t know what it’s like, knowing what we have together but then seeing you every day with _her_ …seeing you guys have--what _we_ could have.” Ron’s tapering off again, falling back to that place that Carl now recognizes, with a pang of guilt, as Ron trying to control his emotions. “…wondering, if you’d even _want_ to have that with me, Carl,” Ron finishes.

Carl has to look down at the ground, reeling with his own angst, trying to sort out his overwhelming thoughts, trying so hard to figure out a way to be careful with his words.

“It’s not…that I _don’t_ want that, Ron,” he says softly and solemnly to the grass. He doesn’t look up to see Ron’s reaction. “It’s just that…what I’ve had with Enid, we’ve had for so _long_.”

Ron takes a long time to reply, and Carl slowly brings his head up to look Ron in the eyes again. He can’t decipher the look on his face.

“Why…” Ron breathes finally, “why would you start something with me if you still want what you have with Enid?”

Carl’s taken aback by Ron’s blunt question. And when he sifts through his brain, trying to find an answer, he realizes he truly doesn’t have one. He can’t answer it for himself any more than he can for Ron.

“Why would you let it go on for so _long_?” Ron further demands.

Carl’s eyes fall to the ground again. Ron is so much angrier than Carl ever expected him to be, but the worst part is that he has every _right_ to be, and Carl knows that. “I don’t…I know, I’m sorry, Ron,” Carl stumbles, but Ron’s already interrupting him again.

“You’re not just cheating on her, Carl. You’re cheating on me, too.” 

Carl looks up. Honestly this isn’t something he ever even considered. A pit sinks low in his stomach at Ron’s flat eyes, with no trace of forgiveness in them. How could Carl be so stupid, hurting two of the people he cares about most in the world?

He switches his weight on his feet again. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I-I’ll figure it out, Ron. I promise.” He knows the words are feeble and hollow, but for now it’s all he has. “I--You just have to give me some time, Ron, but I will, I promise. I’ll work this out.” He doesn’t do anything to soften the pleading tone in his voice. He tells himself he _will_ figure it out; he knows he has to, now. He just hopes that Ron believes him.

But Ron just sighs, taking a long look through the leaves of the tree beside them, the tree that he and Carl have come to so many times. When he looks back, Carl swears he can see the glint of tears in Ron’s eyes.

“I-I’ve given you time, Carl,” Ron says plainly. “You have to choose. I can’t do this anymore.” He shakes his head. “You have to choose--it's her…or me.”

And there it is—those words that Carl feared so much. That’s why he’s been putting it off, avoiding this for so long. He stands dumbstruck, while Ron sets his jaw and takes solemn nods, blinking back the water from his eyes and looking like he’s finally said what he needed to say.

The words sink in for Carl while he stays staring at Ron, his mouth open and his mind blank. But as he comes to terms with what Ron has said, his lips purse and he, too, makes a small nod, realizing the truth of the words.

Ron lets out a sigh, says, “I got to go, Carl,” and then he’s abruptly leaving, stepping forward across Carl’s path and walking off in the direction they came from. 

Carl spins towards him, unspoken thoughts on the tip of his tongue, more weak apologies dying on his lips. But he says nothing while Ron hurries off, realizing that he needs to let him go. There’s nothing else that can be said now, nothing else Carl can do.

No. There’s only one thing that has to be done. Carl has to face it, the journey ahead of him, the choice he has to make.

He takes a deep breath and turns to take one last look at the tree, his and Ron’s tree, which now that the sun has set looks almost like a silhouette in the dark. Then he turns away himself to trudge back, starting his long trek home, which still lies in that house, still lies with Enid.

**Author's Note:**

> Also, if you’re into video edits, you could check out my friend’s YouTube channel! <https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCr2s6c79lynapO47tsLWvVA>[>](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCr2s6c79lynapO47tsLWvVA)  
> She has a few videos of Rarl and TWD and personally, I think they’re amazing. I feel like she does a really good job of telling a full story in her videos, which not a lot of videos do in my opinion. 
> 
> Anyway, only check it out if you feel like it, of course! :)


End file.
